they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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