it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
