But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
