I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
