The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
