it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i think my cat just said my name.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
