Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this boner is exhausting
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
