I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
