I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
