Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
