I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
