I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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