forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
