Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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