you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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