He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
