when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
