I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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