Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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