Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
