What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
