She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
