this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
