I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
