I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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