You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
