I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He better not be in your backpack
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
