I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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