??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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