I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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