We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
