saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
