"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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