Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
