So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And then he peed in my hair
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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