I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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