I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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