I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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