How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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