I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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