Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
