You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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