I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
