Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
