After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
