She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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