You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
