NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
