Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
