Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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