I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
