today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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