I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
